I’m ready. It’s been an odd year in Thornesworld. Probably the single biggest change was Tammy moving out back in November of 2010. It was a long and painful decision, not without risk, but it was the right one for both of us; each as individuals and as a couple as well. We weathered the changes to find our love as strong as it ever was and the journey of rediscovering the many things we liked about each other has been a trip I wouldn’t have missed for the world.

We look forward to seeing each other and missing each other is a delicious sort of foreplay that makes smiles brighter and kisses all the sweeter. We sing and dance again, flirt and play. We talk and relish the time we spend together rather than take it for granted or let it slip by unnoticed.

The second biggest change for me was having outside employment for the better part of the last year. I got the chance to learn a bit more about Terese and to grow a little. I still hated working for someone besides me, but managed to make the best of it and remain reasonably happy, if not fulfilled. The job ended last month under less than satisfactory circumstances beyond my control and although it put me back into no small amount of financial insecurity it was also an immense relief and a gift.

Cetandi & Bear

I have housemates here at the ranch for the first time in long and long and am finding it pleasant and helpful after my 8 months of solitude here. They actually live in a small trailer out back with “house privileges” so I still have enough private time and personal space to be content.

The sweat lodge is built and we’ve been using it since January. Being able to sweat and pray has been good for my soul.

And I’m both writing and crafting again. These things are incredibly good for my spirit, and I hope they will prove again to be good for my physical life as well. With Tammy’s support (and while I’m yet working part time outside of my home), I’ve decided to get back to the business of making my living with my art. I am 107K words into my novel and hoping that another 50K or so will bring my story to a close. I began writing a bit on it agin in late September to prep for the insane 50K word rush of November and am committed to finishing and submitting it for publication.

Assemblage Bird Shrine

I did some serious soul searching around whatever blockage keeps me from completing and submitting at least one of my 3 novels in process and learned a few things. The first may be broken. I’m not sure if I still need to tell that story, I’ve lost the tale, I’m afraid. The second, entitled “The Space Between” that I wrote in the immediate wake of the death of our Lil Pharaoh, has been too painful to revisit even to edit until recently, but will be my next task after completing the novel I began in 2008, (working title “The Coming”). This is the story I want to tell. It’s a good story. I think I’m a good and engaging writer. So why haven’t I finished and submitted? In October I came down to only two possibilities and they are both a little embarrassing, but what the hell, “tell the truth and shame the devil” as my Grama would say. What it boils down to is one of these two things, either:

What a bunch of happy horseshit. Whichever it is, I’m done with it. I’m going to finish this novel. I’m going to work on it until it’s done. Then I’m going to revise and edit it enough for submission. Then I’m going to send it off and brave rejection while praying for acceptance.

In the meantime, I’m going to craft and tattoo and find my way back to art from those things. Here I come, 2012.

Well, I kinda fell down on the job for NaBloPoMo, but I’m rockin’ n rollin’ with my annual noveling efforts for NaNoWriMo during the month of November.

After an agonizing month of worrying about the fact that I wasn’t excited about it this year, and that despite NaNo founding father’s advice to “not worry if you don’t have an idea; just write”, I was devastated by the wasteland of my personal creative landscape. It appeared barren beyond any desert and as far as the eye could see. The closer November first came, the more worried I got. My thoughts continually returned to last year’s NaNo Novel… 51K words of a projected 150K word novel that I hadn’t touched all year. Every character, scenario, story line or idea I had seemed to circle back and be a part of the unfinished ’08 Novel.

I came to a decision. Despite the suggestion to start and complete a 50K novel with a complete story arc for NaNoWriMo, this is my time to write! This month and the daily word count goals and the permission I give myself to be self absorbed and totally immersed in writing seem to be the only way for me to maintain the self discipline to actually pound out a story.
Imagine my surprise when I dropped in to the NaNoWriMo site forums to discover that I was in good company with other rule breakers. I am an official Nano Rebel, (as attetested to by the badge). Hee hee!

When I wrote last year I was only about 20k in when I realized that it would be impossible to complete my story arc in 50k words at the rate I was going. My story was going to need a lot more words than that. So I began summarizing the story here and there, and writing scenes as they sort of needed to be written. I’d find myself slipping from summary to dialogue and prose and then back to summary. Writing this way got me to 51K, a NaNoWriMo “winner” by Nov. 31. I had a complete story arc, albeit one with a lot of HUGE holes!
This year it’s all about filling in those holes to the tune of the monthly goal of 50 thousand words, which breaks down to 1667 words per day. I started writing a bit late, between my cleavered typing finger (a story for another day- and no; you don’t want pictures!!) and the necessity of going through the manuscript and identifying the holes. I went to sleep this morning sometime after 3 AM having knocked out 3,048 brand new words, which is about 5k short of being on schedule, but I’m back to it today and tonight, and hoping to catch up in the next couple of days.

If any of you lovely bloggy peeps write novels or screenplays, you absolutely must get Scrivener, by Literature and Latte. It is the most phenominal writing program I have ever used, and it’s making it soooo simple for me to keep a word count of this year’s writing separate from the entire manuscript form last year. It has super cool meta data, you can make notes and links and stick index cards on a corkboard on a spilt screen, color coded labels and, and, and… it just rawks! Check it out!!

Okay. I gotta go. I’ve just spent over 500 words, and I don’t know if there exists a finite amount of them in me each day or not. Lawl! Wooo hooo!

Peace, out!

* Peggy, please email me again. I lost your addy in comp switching and many of my passwords aren’t set yet, either so I can’t comment at Utah Savage

Can you believe this crap?? My muse is on strike!!I woke up this beautiful Sunday morning with full intentions of writing a bit of fun for Jamie’s new meme, Take This Tune. I have a story about would-be Bankrobbers (one of them is none other than your Thornie) floating around in my head to suit her “Outlaw” theme song this week, but when I checked my email I found this note from my muse: (my responses in italics and parentheses)

On Strike due to Unfair Labor Practices

To whom it may concern, (WTF?? “To whom it may concern? Who else would it concern but me? That lil bitch knows exactly who she’s writing to!)

You are hereby notified that I am on, and shall remain on strike until the following conditions are met:

1. Ice cream. Ever since you got back on Atkin’s we haven’t had any ice cream. Those so-called Atkin’s “candy bars” ain’t cutting it. (What is she talking about?? Ice cream? We hardly ever eat ice cream! And those Atkin’s Indulge bars are good! And since when does she say “ain’t”?)
2. I want a bath! Candles and essential oils and maybe get the GirlyBoi to wash our hair. (OMGods! She knows we don’t take a lot of baths in the Summer! It’s just too hot to soak in the tub, and a lukewarm or cool bath just isn’t the same. Although it is nice when the Girlyboi washes our hair.)
3. Take more pictures! We stopped just when we were getting good at it! (I want to take more photos too, I was having a blast with it. But that went kaput when the camera took a shit. It can’t be helped!)
4. Road Trip!!! (Oh, Muse… I know it’s been since forever since we took a road trip. It would be awesome to head up the coast to visit Susan in SLO, or Lill in Sacramento, or to hit the big Hiways and go see Shelly and Mr. Shelly in Texas. But even if we could scrape up gas and road food money, we can’t risk taking lil Golda that far- she’s all we’ve got!)
5. I want a new tattoo, or more work on our back piece! I’m not feeling like a “Phoenix Rising”! I feel like wet ashes! ( Well… we can’t get the back piece worked on right now, that would take more money than we can afford.)

If these demands are not met I will NEVER work again!! No more blog posts, no more painting or tattoos, no more collage or sculpture or, or, or… anything!!
Signed,
Your Muse

Oh she can be such a pain in the ass, sometimes! Doesn’t she realize that I’m just as bummed about that stuff? Well, here’s my response. It doesn’t sound to patronizing, does it? Ehhh… she’s not to bright; she’ll never notice as long as I placate her. I hope she’ll reply soon. Peace, out!

Dear Muse,
I know we’ve been working awfully hard lately, what with the microposts and eZine for BlogonSmog and all the housecleaning and sorting and setting up the new studio. Also money has been tight and we haven’t been able to get out and buy a new pair of shoes or even some $.99 store goodness. I’m sorry that I’ve been neglecting you. I’ll just have to come up with some fun for us that we can do on a tight budget.
So here is my counter offer:

1. I won’t do Ice Cream, but how does berries and cream sound?
2. Eda is coming to visit soon and I’m going to teach her how to tattoo. She’s such a great artist and craftsperson I’m sure she can handle some of the black linework on our left arm. So there it is, new tattoo coming soon.
3. Let’s paint our nails midnight blue and we’ll foil them to look like fireworks against the night sky. Won’t that be fun?
4. The moon is just past full. Want to dance naked tonight? We can build a fire in the brazier and howl to the Coyotes if you want, too.
5. And we can watch Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the original) and Big Fish again.

Sorry, Muse. That’s the best I can do right now. I miss you, I need you. Please come back to work.

Love, Thornie