I’m ready. It’s been an odd year in Thornesworld. Probably the single biggest change was Tammy moving out back in November of 2010. It was a long and painful decision, not without risk, but it was the right one for both of us; each as individuals and as a couple as well. We weathered the changes to find our love as strong as it ever was and the journey of rediscovering the many things we liked about each other has been a trip I wouldn’t have missed for the world.
We look forward to seeing each other and missing each other is a delicious sort of foreplay that makes smiles brighter and kisses all the sweeter. We sing and dance again, flirt and play. We talk and relish the time we spend together rather than take it for granted or let it slip by unnoticed.
The second biggest change for me was having outside employment for the better part of the last year. I got the chance to learn a bit more about Terese and to grow a little. I still hated working for someone besides me, but managed to make the best of it and remain reasonably happy, if not fulfilled. The job ended last month under less than satisfactory circumstances beyond my control and although it put me back into no small amount of financial insecurity it was also an immense relief and a gift.
Cetandi & Bear
I have housemates here at the ranch for the first time in long and long and am finding it pleasant and helpful after my 8 months of solitude here. They actually live in a small trailer out back with “house privileges” so I still have enough private time and personal space to be content.
The sweat lodge is built and we’ve been using it since January. Being able to sweat and pray has been good for my soul.
And I’m both writing and crafting again. These things are incredibly good for my spirit, and I hope they will prove again to be good for my physical life as well. With Tammy’s support (and while I’m yet working part time outside of my home), I’ve decided to get back to the business of making my living with my art. I am 107K words into my novel and hoping that another 50K or so will bring my story to a close. I began writing a bit on it agin in late September to prep for the insane 50K word rush of November and am committed to finishing and submitting it for publication.
Assemblage Bird Shrine
I did some serious soul searching around whatever blockage keeps me from completing and submitting at least one of my 3 novels in process and learned a few things. The first may be broken. I’m not sure if I still need to tell that story, I’ve lost the tale, I’m afraid. The second, entitled “The Space Between” that I wrote in the immediate wake of the death of our Lil Pharaoh, has been too painful to revisit even to edit until recently, but will be my next task after completing the novel I began in 2008, (working title “The Coming”). This is the story I want to tell. It’s a good story. I think I’m a good and engaging writer. So why haven’t I finished and submitted? In October I came down to only two possibilities and they are both a little embarrassing, but what the hell, “tell the truth and shame the devil” as my Grama would say. What it boils down to is one of these two things, either:
or
Fear of Success
What a bunch of happy horseshit. Whichever it is, I’m done with it. I’m going to finish this novel. I’m going to work on it until it’s done. Then I’m going to revise and edit it enough for submission. Then I’m going to send it off and brave rejection while praying for acceptance.
In the meantime, I’m going to craft and tattoo and find my way back to art from those things. Here I come, 2012.
